Strawberry Shortcake

It was a nice day, I suppose, of course I'm just going off by what other people would see it as. The temperature was cool and the sun shone delightfully without and clouds to take away its nauseating glory. A soft breeze would sweep past every so often that you could put it into a set time. If one stood out in the sun for too long the heat would eventually become uncomfortable, which it was doing to me right now. That and sunny days just irritate me for some reason. Too many people leaving their houses with friends, giggling and chattering about crap others really shouldn't care about. But, whatever, people say I don't get out enough. Too bad they don't know they're the reason why.



I bet you're all wondering why I'm complaining about such a nice day like today, why I'm outside enjoying this soft spring breeze, listening to the soft, calming rustle of leaves off a nearby tree? Please, do believe me when I say I'm here for a mission briefing. Not like I need one, seeing as how I'm the head officer, or whatever they chose to call me, of Garden. Ah, but who cares when the sweet smell of the ocean weaves its way through alleys and over tall buildings just to reach my very own itchy nose!



Nothing like Dollet being under attack, for the fucking fifth time since I've been a SeeD, might I add.



I hate this damn city. I really do. It's probably the only place in the universe were crippled kids love to swim. Idiots, fools, morons. I don't care what you call them, whatever you come up with; they'll most like be.



You would think Galbadia could keep its goddamn head out of Dollet's territory for five seconds, especially after the whole Ultimacia thing, but I guess not. Perhaps they didn't get the news, but it's too late now, I can already smell the burning wood of buildings from across the city. At least I can still smell the ocean. Oh, and that gentle breeze and the luminous sun, what a wonderful day!



This time, apparently, Galbadia wants something completely stupider than all its other reasons for attacking Dollet.



Decreased fish exports.



What the hell is that! Hyne! I hate fish even more now! Not to mention those damn Galbadians too! I kind of wish my job didn't involve communicating with so many morons. Not even kind of, I DO.



But I guess a "war" is a war, for whatever reason it is for, and we were called to help. Seeing as how the sorceress' aren't of any particular concern anymore, Garden has basically been turned into a trained military facility for kids who wish to join the Balamb Army, which started after my friends and mine little fight thing with Ultimacia. So this was a perfect field training for the little beginners, so I suppose it isn't that bad. Of course, I'm lying when I say this.



My small party was to go to the source of the whole bullshit thing. To take out the commander and cripple their offensive skills so the kids could defeat them more efficiently. Of course the only person open and skilled enough (because, yes, the Galbadians are apparently that hard) was Zell. Even after being with him for so long, I can't stand the guy. I could probably roll a whole bunch of words together to try to create a word that describes him, and still not succeed.



And there he is, standing attentively as if it was his own field mission from almost two years ago, a stupid little grin raising his thin lips at their corners. I bet the snot has listened, and hell, even memorized every word Xu had just told him. She was standing adjacent from the both of us. Always in full SeeD dress like she should be, for all three of us were, her hands waving at her sides to emphasize her points. Then all of a sudden Zell looks over at me and said with his screechy, yet some how manly, voice, "Let's do it!" He exclaimed while punching his hands into one another, as if it made him look more powerful or something. I don't know, I'll never understand him.



I guess it's really too bad that I didn't hear a word Xu had spoken. I was too busy analyzing how beautiful a day it was from a normal persons stand point. Though it depends on who that normal person was. It surely wasn't a denizen of Dollet, I could tell you that much. Zell was already treading off, an easily noticeable bounce of pride in his step. Another thing I'll never understand. It's not like he has anybody to show it off to, nobody likes him, but look who's saying that. Wow, I feel kind of ashamed for even thinking that.



Anyhow, the smell of burning wood became stronger as we walked along the cobbled streets. We were both silent, for one reason or another. The echoing screams of beaten soldiers and the melodies clanging of metal on metal was enough of a conversation piece we needed without using actual words. It was nice, I suppose, seeing as how I'm not that regular old normal person I mentioned before. A nice black sky and a drizzle of rain would have sent me into an exciting fit of fighting joy. But no, it was sunny, breezy, and that delightful smell of the ocean still seemed to over power the fire.



The blonde boy stopped ahead of me before I could even comprehend it. I collided into his backside, cursing under my breath and shoving Zell forward. Today wasn't my day. Why? Shut up, I don't need a reason. It just wasn't. "Hey man!" He huffed as he up righted himself. His hands flapped in front of his dark green uniform as if the soft stumble got dirt on him. Small things like that annoy me. We haven't even started anything on the mission and he was racking my nerves.



"Well! Why'd you stop!" I demanded, glaring at his backside. His hand peeked over his ridiculous hairstyle, smoothing it out a little better than it had been before. With the same hand he pointed foreword, as if he knew I wasn't paying attention, because the sight before us was extremely obvious to notice. That is, if you were a normal person. I'm sure we've been over this already, so the answer is probably as obvious as the scene I was presented with.



If I never had seen the man sober, I probably would have thought his actions to be quite normal. But of course, I have seen him partially sane and he was now acting relatively, well... Insane.



Other thoughts probably could have come to mind, seeing as how I haven't seen this man for so long, but all I could think of was how much of an ass he was making himself out to be. I could hear little Zell's hiccupping laughter next to me, yet he tried to be professional looking, might I say, by covering his mouth politely. I'm not denying the fact that seeing Seifer dancing around like a madman is funny, having his mindless minions of soldiers doing the same, but why they were all piss-drunk was beyond me.



Enough of the questions though, Seifer was blocking our way, and as far as I was concerned, this was the only passage to the other side of the city. I nudged my shoulder into Zell's side to repress his annoying giggles and I continued walking. Not without Zell's protest of course, fucking pussy.



"We can't go that way!" The blonde shit exasperated. I'm just going to take a guess that he didn't memorize Xu's orders very deeply as I had suspected earlier.



I huffed with annoyance, because Zell is just an endless pit of that, isn't he? "Who the hell else would be the commander?" I demanded, baring a glare into his aqua eyes. "I guess the sorceress didn't treat him like one, but the Galbadians think him to be some type of God now."



Zell looked at me in confusion, although I could almost hear the wheels of intelligence grinding in his small brain. I wasn't going to stand around and wait for him to actually contemplate the right answer, which would be mine, by the way. So, I continued down the cobbled alleyway, windows on both sides of me exploding with artificial light, and worried cried diffusing out of their wooden walls. Seifer's voice was coming louder to my ears; his arms were flapping at his sides like some kind of stupid monkey, a slurring song escaping his mouth.



The scene was so pitiful and amusing it made me physically ill.



I grasped my stomach as I continued onward, the drunken monkey finally laying his eyes on us and letting out a, and I don't mean to be too harsh when I say this, retarded growl and pointed at us with a wobbly finger. Of course his minions were too drunk to understand his command until he blurted out, "GET THEM YOU IDIOTS!" All slurred might I add. Not very intimidating from our standpoint, but I guess it was to the soldiers for they were high tailing it our way.



It didn't take very long, maybe ten minutes top; to defeat his little army of blue clad helmet idiots. The only one left was Seifer, his golden blonde hair shining oh so delightfully in the sun. Made me want to hurt him even more. That asinine grin on his face didn't delete some of the rage in me either.



"WELL!" Seifer shouted, walking, or should I say stumbling, backwards towards an abandoned car. He picked up his Hyperion from the rusted red hood, and pointed it at our faces, you know, as if it was going to be really scary or something. "I guess I got YOU guys, EH! EH!" He took a few steps foreword and promptly stumbled over his own feet. Zell, being the dipshit that he is, laughed like a fucking idiot.



All of it really wasn't making sense, maybe Zell's stupidity had rubbed itself off on me in just merely an hour's time, but the commander was supposed to be further into the city. Maybe Seifer wasn't the commander. So, using Zell's general idiocy, I asked the drunken man, "Are you the commander?" It felt kind of weird using those words to greet a long lost rival. But remember, I'm under Zell's influence, I could just as well be drunk myself.



"COMmanDER?" Seifer laughed full heartedly, slapping his leg and all, like I had just told the funniest joke ever created. His green eyes were glazed over slightly, but shielded by his eyelids in a constant squint. The scar I created so long ago was still as red as it was the day it was made. It brought a pain to my own forehead just thinking about it. The trench-coated man, for he never took formality when it came to anything, continued on, breaking my thoughts like a freaking train. "HmmmMM. Why YES! That would be me, WOULDN'T IT!" He exclaimed as a triumph. If he wasn't drunk, I'm sure he'd be ashamed of himself.



"Surrender!" Zell said, pointing his gloved hand into Seifer's face, where the taller blonde promptly bit Zell's finger. The little fighter screeched in pain and fell back into my arms. I couldn't let him fall to the ground, could I?



Of course I could.



I released my hold and watched the boy fall to the ground with thump. I laughed for the first time that day, as I continued to watch Zell with his finger in his mouth and rubbing his butt with the other hand like a little kid. Seifer got a good laugh out of it too, but he was drunk, so it didn't really count. Which was another question that begged to be answered.



After giving Zell a swift kick in the back, where he let out a satisfying whelp, I proceeded to ask the obvious, just like what Zell would do. "Why are you drunk, Seifer? That's not what a good commander would be doing."



Seifer just looked at me in a daze. Maybe he really was thinking about my question, not that bird that just flew by. "Bird?" He said, and thank Hyne he answered my question after, because I really wanted to shove my gunblade in his gut after that. "I was just treating myself to a future victory!" He explained, and if I were normal I would describe it as being in an innocent tone. But to me, it was disgusting, and I still had that gnawing feeling of introducing my gunblade to Seifer's welcoming stomach.



"You're an idiot," I said calmly. Zell had already gotten to his feet and was standing a few inches behind me like a scared dog. Serves him right.



"NO! YOU'RE the idiot! You're messing with the wrong guy!" Seifer demanded, erecting his Hyperion at us again, being all talk just like before. His face suddenly changed, a soft smile coming to his face, and his eyes opened a bit from his squint. He placed down his weapon at his side and said something completely unexpected. "Want to get some strawberry shortcake? I'm fucking HUNGRY. I know a place where they make the god damn BEST strawberry shortcake! It's on me! I promise! Come on!"



Unexpected? Hell yes, even for a drunk. I turned my head back to look at Zell. His aqua eyes painted with confusion, and one of his golden eyebrows was raised to emphasize his mood. He shrugged his shoulders and stepped foreword to say in a whisper, "I guess... If he's being serious..." The little fighter smiled slightly. "We can always just beat him up if he does anything fishy." I really hate fish. "It's not like he's gonna to be helpin' his army while he's away anyways."



I guess the blonde shit really did have valid a point this time.



"Okay," I accepted, Seifer was already on his way down the street. I'm surprised he even knew where he was going.



It's kind of amusing that the three of us were supposed to rivalry against each other. Zell and I having to be saving this shit city from the drunken Seifer, which kind of shows you how stupid and weak Dollet is for loosing against a guy like him. But no, all of us were going out for what? Strawberry shortcake. It was almost too amusing to handle.



We eventually arrived at a pub that I faintly remember from my own field mission. A few students were guarding the door to the pub and nodded at us, not even realizing that their enemy had just gone past them. Zell and I weren't too concerned about the whole war over fish, though he was more paranoid than I could ever be.



"Are you sure it's alright?" The silly tattooed boy asked me. Totally forgetting that he was the one that said it would be fine for us to go. So, I hit him, across the head in fact. He moaned in pain and held his head after nodding slightly. Seifer had already gone off to order our desserts, not like we really needed them or anything.



There was a small disturbance over at the bar were Seifer was placing his order. The cashier was arguing with Seifer about something, but he eventually lost. The small man, probably in his early twenties, with a long nose and dark green eyes that made him look scary and drug deprived, left his station behind the bar and went up the back stairs.



A small number of people left down the stairs that Seifer seemed to be arguing over with the bartender. The tall blonde walked over to us and smiled, almost evilly, that is if he could have pulled it off sincerely. "I figured we're AUTHORITY." His voice was particularly deep at the end, maybe to intimidate the fellow drunken, but it didn't. "So we have the upstairs to ourselves to discuss matters."



"With strawberry shortcake," I muttered.



Seifer smiled rather immaturely. Another one of those smiles I'd love so much to rip right off his face. "Why not?" He went back to the counter and dismissed us to leave upstairs. I took a short glance at Zell, his face painted with question, just like before. Today was really sucking, and I'm just putting that lightly.



The upstairs was cleaner than downstairs. It smelt of tobacco and beer, but I guess that's to be expected from the low life's that live in Dollet. They didn't even clean up the pool tables when they were done with them. A bunch of numbered balls lay scattered across all three of the tables, waiting for somebody to put them back into play.



Zell took a seat on one of the pool tables and unbuttoned his uniform top to expose the clean white shirt under it. The SeeD uniforms were beyond uncomfortable, and they made such a racket when one moved. Too many chains and other unnecessary junk the designer decided to throw onto it made it so.



I leaned comfortably on the same table, waiting for our enemy to make his way up the stairs. "What a fucked up day," I proposed. I'm sure Zell wouldn't disagree with me. And he didn't, for I could see from the corner of my eye that he was nodding in agreement.



The old building screeched and groaned when Seifer made his way up the pub's steps, his hands full with plates of strawberry shortcake for both the good guys and the bad. He seemed much more sober now, but his kind gestures had to be a drunken influence.



Seifer passed out the bowls to us rather gingerly, their forks hidden under the mountain of fatty whipped cream. I wasn't much for sweets in general, but I had to admit, this looked good even to me. Picking up the fork I dug it into the cake and put the fluffy mixture of strawberries, angel cake, and whipped cream into my mouth and chewed softly. Zell had already eaten half of it, the evidence clearly displayed on his face. He's such a slob it makes me utterly sick.



And of course, the dip is just so embarrassingly clumsy; Zell had completely missed his mouth on his on coming bite. The red juices of the strawberries already sinking and imprinting into his bright white shirt. He groaned with discontentment and picked most of it up with one of his fingers, his other hand placing the bowl down to get the rest off. And as if this day couldn't get anymore fucked up then before, Seifer comes over, grabs Zell's hand rather forcefully which, I'll admit, I was at a battle ready stance in two seconds flat, and... And...



Dear Hyne, he fucking licked the thing. Licked Zell's finger like a fucking lollipop even!



Zell looked over at me nervously, as if I actually had anything to say about it. Today just seemed to be full of eye contact, each session begging to resolve some messed up question. I just placed my eyes back on Seifer, the corner of his mouth decorated with a wisp of whipped cream. Before any words could even be spoken, Seifer had already seized Zell's other hand and kissed the kid!



The little fighter struggled from his seat on the pool table. His hands trying to find anything to grasp to that could drag him away, but Seifer was too strong, as figured. Zell's eyes were so wide; it probably would have been amusing if you subtracted the "fucked-upness" of it all. He screamed desperately in Seifer's mouth, for in just a few seconds the kiss had become strangely... Intimate...



So I guess I could try to do something, right? "Seifer! What the hell!" My voice cracked midway, just as I walked toward the two and kicked Seifer in the shin. The bastard let go of Zell with a scream, the little fighter falling backwards on the table, a soft yell coming from his mouth as he landed on the scattered pool balls.



"Hey HEY! No need for the VIOLENCE!" Seifer proposed, putting his hand on Zell's thigh, which he obviously wasn't okay with, for he fidgeted and fell off the pool table after rolling a few times. He came to haste next to my leg, like a little child that just got beat up from the play yard bully. Aqua eyes peered up at me, the sign of hope in them, as if I was going to be his savior from this evil.



Though I could hardly call it evil. Just... No, there isn't even a word for it.



Seifer walked forward a couple of steps, the sound of his boots echoing in the relatively empty room. His hands were outcast with another one of his ugly grins on his lips like the ass he was. "Come ON guys! Why all the worry, eh? I would NEVER lay a bad... Hand... Thing on you!"



This, naturally, received a confused gaze from both Zell and myself. Okay, so maybe he still was piss drunk, as if the sudden gay streak wasn't evident from that still... Or maybe he's always been like that, I don't know. Don't really care.



"I wanna go now, Squall," Zell muttered, pulling on the fabric of my pants. I would have agreed if Seifer hadn't taken that window to seize me. He pushed me against the pool table and took hostage of my lips. His eyes were closed, and he kept pressing against me. You know, it figures that Zell didn't do anything to help, that asshole.



Seifer pushed me onto the pool table, and I tried to struggle free, but his drunken super powers wouldn't even let me break free. I grunted, pushing my arms against his chest, but they slipped and ended up closing even more space between us. Great. He finally released my lips, and I found that I had a piece of strawberry in my mouth that wasn't there before.



It sickened me to know that it probably came from Zell's mouth.



"What in fucking..." I muttered, trying to come to my senses again. I think they all had been destroyed though, because I still couldn't tell what was going on. All I know was that I was flailing about, yet still restrained by something. Zell had finally come around, and being the genius that he is, tried to pull my arm to free me from Seifer.



I guess I can give him credit... Just a little... ... Hell no.



A yelp couldn't help but run out of my lungs as I suddenly discovered something. I was being torn in half. Yeah, that's pretty much how it felt like. I had Seifer practically lying on top of me, and then Zell pulling at my arm. I didn't budge, and Seifer kept advancing to my mouth again. So, I spit in his face. It was the only thing I could do to at least halt the insane fucking pain I was feeling in both my limbs and brain.



"HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?!??!" Seifer literally screamed, making me cringe into the safety of the green pool table. Of course it was no great holy savior, but it felt tangible enough to at least keep me onto the edge of sanity for just a little longer.



Oh, but of course kissing, screaming, and groping couldn't be enough. No, we have to start fucking my clothes too. It's only rational after all. I figured stressing about it wasn't getting me anywhere but a highway to hell, so I just relaxed. Of course, Zell still tugged on my arm until I told him, "Will you STOP that already?" Which he did rather quickly. I'm surprised he can even think that fast.



The martial artist seemed to look confused, or dumb, or stupid, or naive, or retarded... I don't know, I really hate him; he just looked like a little shit kid that I'd love to smack upside the head. It's a pity he was too far away to allow me to do such a thing. Anyways, he looked at me with curious blue eyes that just seemed to yell 'What?' But what am I supposed to do?



You know, I don't think I would have been so peeved if he was just going to give me another kiss, but something about Seifer pulling up my SeeD uniform and exposing my pale (and sexy) skin to the world was a little... Well, a little fucking strange.



"Z-Zell... Zell! HYNE! ZELL! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SITTING THERE FOR!" I shouted. I'm sure the whole of Dollet could have heard me. I'm sure my mom could have heard me in her grave. I can't even remember the last time I was that loud in my life.



It all went really slow... So... Painfully slow. It seemed like eternity before Zell actually got off his ass and did something. I'm never even going to think about helping him ever again. Hyne as my word, I swear it. Why? Seifer took the bowl of strawberry shortcake and poured the whole bowl on my stomach.



It flowed from the sides. Those pink, sticky juices trailed down my toned abs and unto the once clean pool table. The cake had gone soggy, and the whipped cream was nothing but a liquid fluff of white in all the colors. It was cold... It was gross... And I really wanted to finish eating that. It was good.



But I'll never know what the rest tasted like, because Seifer had already started lapping it up. Yeah, really, I'd say 'eating' or 'licking' but he was defiantly 'lapping'. It was so much of a turn off, it wouldn't matter what gender was doing it. I don't think he cared though. Hyne, he was so fucking drunk, and he still had me pinned to the point where I couldn't do anything.



Oh, here comes Zell to save the day. Hooray. Punch, kick, slap... "Damn you Zell!" Seifer had grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, and it amazed me that he had us both to the point where we couldn't fight back. He let a chuckle roar out of his throat, a little piece of cake flew out of his mouth without a care. Remember, he's informal, and drunk, thus he doesn't give a damn... Or something.



"Calm DOWN kiddos! I mean... HONESTLY!" Seifer exasperated with upturned eyebrows. He almost looked sincere, which had me scared out of my mind. Swinging his arm around, he brought Zell to place and pushed him foreword onto me. Seifer watched over as the room went silent with confusion. Zell looked at me, his arms placed on either side of me, and his chin almost bathing in the mess on my tummy. What next?



"Give it a little try, eh Zell? It's real good," Seifer snickered into his glove, as if he just told the dirtiest joke ever. Which I think he did, I'll give him credit for once.



"Zell... If you even dare..." I hissed. What the hell did Seifer have on us anyways? Why weren't we just busting out of here? He was way to drunk to care, and I'm sure us running fast would make his head hurt to the point where we could escape. But no, I guess we liked pretending there was a threat.



Seifer pushed Zell's back again, and his chin dipped into the cake, only to be recoiled back with a piece of yellow sponge on his lip. "Hyne Squall, what else am I supposed to do?" He started to trail his tongue up the middle of my stomach before I could say anything. I'd hate to say it felt kind of good, so I won't.



Zell lifted himself to down what he had taken in. He had shaved away much of what was there, which of what I was pleased with. That meant we could get out of here faster. He swooped back down and took a wisp of cream into his mouth, after hitting a delicate part of my skin, of course. I jumped a little at the tickle, but sat quietly as I had for the past three minutes.



I think we had forgotten about him in the past few minutes. I'll admit that I was concentrated on what Zell was doing, so I could plot ways of showing him real pain when this was all over. Seifer had found his way onto the pool table, that stealthy bastard, and had brought his paws for hands onto my shoulders. I let out an "OW!" as my shoulder blades met with wood, and I wanted to scream when he connected lips with me.



Zell probably realized it, but the good kid stayed put and continued to lick the dessert off of me like an ice cream cone. I've never felt so violated in my life. I swear I'm staying in my room for a whole month.



It was like trying to do two things at once, only I wasn't. I had Seifer exploring my mouth with a nasty breath that smelled like beer and strawberries, and then I had Zell who was still teasing with my nerves. It pissed me off that I had started to whimper.



Whimper... What kind of pussy thing is that? Hyne, this was starting to get way too weird. And when I say weird, I really mean pleasurable, and I don't swing towards mindless pleasure.



I searched with one hand for something to cling onto. It ran around like some crazed bull, I was just that confused. It hit spiky hair, and then smooth, warm skin. Finally it found its way to one of the scattered pool balls, and for once in the whole horrible day, I thanked those slob denizens of Dollet.



Zell seemed to have been finished, but for some strange reason, he was still licking for the hell of it. My nerves were jumping with every wet contact, and I was beginning to think that using my new weapon on him wasn't such a bad idea either.



But I'm nice, and I'd like to leave with my comrade at my side. So, I swung my arm around and landed the blue ball right into Seifer's jaw.



We were free! Seifer raised his arms and backfired away, only to result in him falling onto the floor. It was exceedingly funny, but I had more important things to do. I slapped Zell across the face to snap him back to being as "normal" as he could be. I'm not talking about "normal" people here. Zell's way too dumb to be one of them.



I jolted off of the table and grabbed my gunblade that rested on the second pool table. I don't know if I should have used it or not, but there was no time to really think about that. Grabbing Zell's arm, we walked with heavy paces to the stairs and came out into the pub. All eyes seemed to be locked on us, and I really don't blame them.



Zell's shirt was still dirtied with pink juices, and I didn't have time to straighten out my clothing. The white shirt slinked down as the drunkards started to turn their attention elsewhere. We decided that it would be a good time to leave, so we did.



"I don't give a shit anymore, I'm going home," I growled. We headed to the beach, with heads hung in disgust. That fresh smell of the ocean seized my nose again, and the sound of laughter seemed to overpower the screams. Today sucked. Why? Fuck you.



"I'm sorry Squall. I er..." Zell scratched the back of his head, for he really couldn't do anything else. The sunny beach was coming into view. It looked more inviting then the congested ally for roads they had in this stupid city. I could see a parked vessel waiting for us, it's hatch opened wide, awaiting us. Just Zell and I. Everybody else could die for all I care. I wanted out.



"Shut the fuck up, Zell."



"... Okay."



I'm killing every fish I come across from here on. I can't believe I enjoyed this mission. That's our little secret though.



"Tell anybody about this, and you're a dead man."



"Yes sir."



End